If I Were You

For most of us, we have had someone say this on many occasions in our lives, most likely from a parent or grandparent. Although great advice may be delivered in this message, it is important to note that young adults often want to forge their own way and may discount such sage advice. While observing many weddings and births recently, I was reminded of that popular saying: Mothers of the Groom should show up, shut up and wear beige.

I told my son when he was married that I would honor the first two recommendations but would not wear beige since it is not my color! Actually, my son and daughter-in-law are very good about accepting advice graciously. I have learned to state: Here is some unsolicited advice for you to do with as you would like. That seems to soften the message.

One troubling drama I have observed over the years often happens in families of divorce. All too often I have observed parents place their children in the middle of their family drama and ruin their child’s wedding day. We all need to remember that a wedding day or the birth of a child is their day. It is not a time for us to vent or to selfishly place our needs first. And keep in mind that we raised them to be responsible adults; so we need to have faith in their abilities. If we follow this plan of action we will be much closer to our children and grandchildren. Sharing in the joy of a wedding day or joining in a tea party with our grandchildren far outweigh the need to be right. One exception to this rule is if a child is in danger in any way.

Some grandparents find themselves raising grandchildren or spending a significant amount of time in helping to raise them. There are programs to assist you. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging, listed in the white pages, for information which can help to make this a good experience for you.

Enjoy your family!